Look For the lesson
Look for the Lesson – especially those hidden behind your most challenging life experiences. Throughout my website I talk a lot about “reframing”, which means to look at your problems from a different perspective. Reframing is absolutely the most effective way to change your feelings about something or someone. I have several techniques for helping people to reframe their problems. The “Look for the Lesson” method is highly ranked in my therapeutic arsenal. In this post I want to give readers a better understanding of “Look for the Lesson”, along with a down-to-earth example of it in action. I will have to get a bit philosophical here and there, so buckle up!
it’s all about learning
Let me begin with the premise that life is about learning. There are different types of learning, for example: First in life, we learn how to use our bodies. It’s a painstakingly long process to learn this skill, but it is essential. First, we learn to lift our heads when lying on our stomach, then we learn to roll over, then to sit up, then to crawl, then to walk, and finally we learn how to run. We learn all the essential physical maneuvers to navigate in the physical world. At the same time, we’re doing our mental learning that includes things like learning to talk, learning new words, how to behave, and much more.
Then, we begin the formal mental learning by way of schooling. This may take anywhere from 12 to 20 years or more depending upon what field we enter. Along the way, we take countless exams to determine if we were learning the lessons we needed. If we failed to learn a lesson, we had to repeat the learning experience again until we passed it. This pattern is paralleled in life outside of school as well. If you “fail” a life lesson, you will have to repeat it until you learn it. It’s built into the system. But it’s not really a failure, it’s more like you just didn’t “get it”, so you’ll face similar learning opportunities until you do.
belief systems
Now it’s time to get philosophical. In several of the Eastern belief systems such as Hinduism and Buddhism, we humans are believed to be spiritual beings having a physical, human experience. This point of view has also been echoed in the writings and lectures of the late Dr. Wayne Dyer, as well as Dr. Brian Weiss, Dr. Michael Newton, and countless others. Offering even more solid scientific evidence supporting this perspective, is the field of quantum physics. Albert Einstein himself said, “Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics”. He also said, “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a persistent one”.
When we have modern-day teachers and authorities such as those mentioned above, all saying essentially the same thing, I think the subject deserves some serious consideration. Before science broke through the false belief that everything is physical, such thinking was relegated to the realm of religion. Now, with the advances of quantum physics, the separation of the physical and the non-physical (spiritual) is coming together. It turns out that the physical is not as “physical” as it appears. Every physical thing is fundamentally made of pure energy. This why Einstein said, “Reality is merely an illusion”.
So it turns out that our bodies aren’t really physical after all, and neither is anything else. With that in mind, it’s not such a stretch to say that we are in fact, spiritual (non-physical) beings, who are having a human – “physical” experience. Let that one sink in for a bit. This perspective can change how you look at everything!
What’s the purpose?
So if it is true that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, what’s the purpose of it all? One of the key characteristics of being human, is curiosity. We want to know, learn, and understand. We are insatiably curious beings. Sometimes our curiosity leads us to something positive, and sometimes to something negative. But the fact is that both “positive and negative” are judgements… not realities. Experiences are simply that, experiences. They are neither positive or negative. It’s our judgements – based on our perspectives – that make us call them good or bad. And experiences are designed to teach us lessons that help us grow. They do so by challenging our beliefs and perspectives.
This implies that in some way, there is a pre-conceived plan of what we want to experience and learn during our current “physical incarnation”. Many people have difficulty with this perspective, suggesting that if this is the case (that our life is pre-determined), then what about free will? Do we even have any free will within such a system? The answer is yes, absolutely! We always have the free will to deviate from our original life-plan.
more than one way to learn
There are many ways to learn the same lesson, and we are free to choose alternatives other than the original plan. The point is to learn the lesson; how we accomplish that is up to us. This is a huge deviation from Determinism as found in many fundamental religious systems. These systems believe that our life will be what it will be, and we have no choice in the matter. This is a pretty depressing thought if I do say so myself!
I have read countless books on this subject, but there was one that started me on my own journey of enlightenment. That book was “Your Souls Plan” by Robert Schwartz. In it, Schwartz says, “From the perspective of the soul, there are no failures or mistakes, only experience. Experience is never bad. Our souls do not judge us; instead, they welcome the wisdom, feelings, growth, and deeper self-knowledge that result from all experience.” That’s a far cry from what most religions teach. They tell us that where we are “guilty” from the day we’re born. That’s like being charged and jailed for something our parents did before we were even conceived! Talk about an injustice. To quote Dr. Spock from Star Trek, “It is not logical”.
a different perspective
And this brings us back to the subject of perspective. When you change your perspective on what we humans are, it changes the whole picture. And to quote an NLP Presupposition, “Behind every behavior is a positive intention”. This even applies to those who commit violent crimes. Granted, on the surface it may appear diabolical, or even insane. But under the surface there is always some positive intention that motivates criminals to commit their actions. The action was positive to them, based upon their belief system.
However, there is a much bigger picture to our life here on planet Earth. It’s the big picture that once seen, will cause us to rethink our deepest beliefs and perspectives. Even those who “did you wrong” at some point in your life, did so because at some level, they honestly believed they were doing the right thing. Your job later in life, is to look back at that situation, and realize that it was one of those lessons you wanted to learn from – before you even came into the “physical” world. We don’t learn much from the easy things in life. It’s the challenging experiences that give us the greatest opportunity to learn and grow. And that’s the whole point.
a personal example
To help make this more understandable, I’d like to give you a practical example from my own life experience. I grew up in a very rigid, controlling environment. It was a “Do as you’re told” environment where I had little to no say in anything. I was pushed hard, and no matter how good I did at something, it was rarely good enough. In addition, as frustrating as all this was, I was not allowed to show anger – and I had a lot of it! Fast forward to now, and my views on that experience have changed. It took a lot of internal work, but I finally made peace with my upbringing. In the big picture, I’ve come to realize that it was that experience that forced me to learn what I would need later in life.
I now view my childhood was one big lesson. If it weren’t for that experience, I wouldn’t be able to help others to find inner peace in their own lives. I wouldn’t be able to relate. Like everyone else, I had to learn it, by living it! Was it tough? Very. Was it worth it? Absolutely. My parents did a great job of preparing me for the therapeutic work I’m doing today… even if neither of us realized it at the time.
look for the lesson
When you can’t seem to move beyond your past, look for the lesson(s). I assure you, if you experience something that strongly affects you on a physical or emotional level, there IS a lesson in that experience. You job is to find it, pay attention to it, learn from it, and grow. That’s why you signed up for this particular tour of duty… to learn and grow. Look for the lesson. This “school” we call Earth is a tough one, and only tough souls choose to come here. If you’re reading this, it’s not by accident, you were drawn to it. My job is to help others to grow; to help them move beyond their pains, limiting beliefs, and perspectives. It’s not always an easy job… but I love every minute of it.
